Pre-exam Syndrome

Negative thoughts thriving in my tiny head.

Cant help but feel scared.

*pets my head*

Vertically Challenged

Just so you know, my height is about 152cm. That's very short for an asian, needless to say caucasian.

Ppl always ask me, 'so you form 3 ah?'
Me, "no, college already.'"
Ppl, "wah...why u so small size one?"

From now on, please don't use the term short/small sized or other pasar terms. Use Petite.
Joanna Leong Shu Ying is PETITE.
What's wrong with being short? cannot find husband? cannot be smart? cannot drive car? But i did passed my driving without failing and without bribing.

At least i'm not a dwarf rite?
I just have insufficient growth hormones (GH). But sufficient to not make me a dwarf.

Ppl also say "if u're just a little bit taller, u'll be drop dead gorgeous and all the boys will come chasing after you!"
Hmm...cannot be drop dead gorgeous, don't wanna kill ppl. it's a sin.

i am proud to be PETITE.

Enough said.

English 101

I have been wondering about this for a very looooooooooong time.

Is this sentence correct ah?

"Hey gal!! Thanks for the add!!"

Thanks for the add?? O-O
Shouldn't it be "Thanks for adding me gal!"
OR "Hey, thanks for befriending me!!"

"thanks for the add!!"
Seen this in facebook many many times, never fails to make me ponder.

What's ADD?
address to your house? addition in the family? HUH?!

I'm not trying to boast or show off. Just wanna clear my doubts.
My english is very cha ok. That's why i speak broken mangrish. Not only my english is broken, but mangrish too.
Anyway, thanks for telling me =). You're a great friend. awwwwww. right.

Got back my bio proposal. Suprised and happy. weeee.
I like doing proposals. and i love "the proposal".
and i would also like to experience ppl proposing to me. and rejecting it.
Until i can feel his/her sincerity then only i'll accept him/her.
Haha. No lar. I only accept a 'he'. Not bisexual. Although this might change, my bisexual genes are not expressed yet. No selection factor. YET.

*scares everybody away* *yerrrrr shu ying is a lesbian!!!* *throw eggs*

I am cold blooded, so so sorry

Most ppl, including my family, fail to actually realise that i am actually not cold blooded bitch.

I have what you call it? FEELINGS.

I do care. I do show compassion. I do appreciate. I do love you. I am contented of my life and i don't ask for more. Since when do you hear me asking for something? I always put you first and you don't seem to know or notice. Because you're too busy.

All the little things i do, you don't seem to NOTICE.
For example, i try to spend as minimal as I can because i know that every penny you earned comes from hardwork. I applied for a job to earn my own expenses and to how does it feel like to work outside in the corporate world.

In case you havent' noticed? I do ask about how you are doing when you are overseas. Sometimes i do not like to go out with my friends because i know mummy and u'll be worried sick about me when i come home late and i do not want u to be worried. I make it to every family outing to bond with you. I always try to start a conversation but it always fails to interest you. I tried to tolerate with my brother as you have told me to. I study hard so that i don't embarass you. I study hard to please you. I study hard to get your attention. I like to be praised too as you can see. I need encouragement too. My brother is not the only smart fella at home ok?

I have been longing for a good phone as you can see. But still, i do not ask from you. And you promised to get me one ASAP. but u forgot lar. I KNOW.

Oh my god, sound like some kid. I'm sorry shermann, i'm can be this immature.

From now on, I do not care and shall not bother.

I'm very sick of trying to bridge the gap between us, but still get blamed for not doing anything to improve our relationship, blamed for taking everything for granted. Being misunderstood all the time, accusing me for not doing my responsibility. I am sick of you ignoring me when i ask how are you. Sometimes i just give up.

I DON'T LIKE TO BE IGNORED.

Forgive me for not being a talkative bitch who tells you every single thing that happens in college like my dear cousin.
Forgive me for being anti-social because i don't know how to express myself.
Forgive me for not living up to YOUR standards.
Forgive me for not wanting to be a doctor to make you proud.
Forgive me for being hardworking to actually study hard to make you proud and eventually neglected you. Maybe i should study BESIDE you instead?
Forgive me for not liking to play the piano anymore which means wasting your money.
Forgive me for being short and not being as tall as you. I'm sorry, the short genes chose me.
Forgive me for not being super talented.
Forgive me for being only normal.
Forgive me for not making u a father's day card because i am not creative. Besides, where are the ones i made for you last time? in the inner corners of your cupboards or in the landfill?
Forgive me for not being able to serenade you with fancy poems.
Forgive me for not being your favourite child.
Forgive me for not doing any housework.
Forgive me for giving you a heart attack when you teach me how to drive. I am sorry, i am this dumb. I only know books. I am born to be a nerd.
Forgive me for being a burden to you. You can just kill me.
Forgive me for being so negative because i'm like that.
Forgive me for blaming you now.

And most of all,

Forgive me for being a useless DAUGHTER.

I am sorry i am a disgrace to the family.

If only i can survive on my own.
If only i do not have to depend on you. So sorry, i'm so dumb that i can't earn a scholarship to ease your burden.
If only....

You have misunderstood me today. And i am not going to clarify further. I am not going to apologise. Be that way! I don't need your butterfly kisses.

Completely moodless to study for Physics. Screw it. Oh and sorry! I fail to get A20. Apparently, not smart enough.

Maybe i should privatise my blog. SOME PPL will just say i'm trying to ATTRACT ATTENTION. RIGHT. That is so true and is exactly what i'm doing! Attention oh attention, i need you. COME TO MAMA! I WANNA BE POPULAR!

Breakdown

I am crying, i have no one to confide in.

The pressure is so overwhelming

I tried working harder and harder

But i still cannot cope

i cant cope

i cant cope

i cant cope

i am very tired

i have no time to rest

i need you

you are not there

you are never there

i have failed

What's my biggest weakness

According to facebook:

You are intelligent and you think about life and philosophy and WHY to everything. A lot. But you are missing passion. You like to do creative things, but they often lack the soul behind it. You can make people laugh and beat your friends in an IQ test, but when it comes to living life to the fullest you are lost, even though you think you aren't. You think you are right, but underneath of it all you are confused. You are only guided by your mind which often leads you astray, but your soul rarely reflects in your life. You like to work hard for things and you think you deserve them, but you sometimes wonder why you are where you are. You need direction for your persistent and determined personality, but you aren't sure where to get it.



Cant deny it.

I need directions.

The Proposal

I had fun today. Just want to say thank you to smith and our beloved future lawyer for taking me out just to cheer me up. Well i'm much better now.

Had a great laugh. The silly chanting song is still repeating itself in my head. haha.

"The windows, the windows,
the walls, the walls,
the sweat drippin down my balls,
all those bitches crawl....."

HAHA! great movie, great movie.

Once again, thanks to smith for fetching me to and fro.

I seriously need a car. My 'P' is still in my drawer. brand new.

Joanna Leong Shu Ying

Hello everybody, allow me to introduce myself.

My name is Joanna Leong Shu Ying.

I am 18 and i am a full time bimbo.
Yes i am JOANNA! And stop asking the same question OVER AND OVER AGAIN!
Annoying much?

"Your joanna is in IC meh?"

Yes, i admit it's not in my IC. BUT.......
I so did not name myself Joanna. I am not a lala wannabe who name themselves names like rainbow, moon, star, honeymoon, honeystar, august, whatever bla bla bla!
YES! Joanna is a very FEMININE name!!!
It is given by my lovely parents ok.

The reason they didnt put it in my IC is...................
*lame reason**lame lame lame lame lame!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*

"Because i dont want you to write very long names when u fill up forms."
- Daddy

Your reaction should be =_= now.
Haha.

YEAH. i felt =_= too. Want tissue? you might wanna wipe off ur sweat. Or tears of joy?

Btw, u might be wondering, "why didnt u tell us?"
I didnt tell u all because, i feel weird and i cringe whenever i hear someone (except my family) calling me Joanna. It's just very weird lar. And i didnt like the name Joanna, initially.

NOW, i'm embracing my name!! You may call me Joanna now, if u want to. But u can still call me shu ying lar. nice name also. Haha.

And and and,
Pls pronounce it as SHU ying, not su ying. Very not nice ok.
And don't call me susu or ying ying, u're not my husband/wife.
And my name is not JOANNE. note the E and A?
Big difference ok?!

Yes, it's very important to address ppl with the name they like. It's a form of respect.

From now on, do not say

'REALLY? SERIOUS? YOUR NAME IS JOANNA?'
I'll give u a tight slap on the face and ass. or boobs if u have it.

I AM PROUD TO BE JOANNA LEONG SHU YING!

Tata, have a nice day =)

Skinny Jeans

I LOVE SKINNY JEANS

Taggie Tag

Since i'm free and bored, i'll do the tag.

The rules of the game get posted at the beginning.

Each player must answers the questions about themselves and pass on to your list of blogger friends.

Starting time: 1935

Name: Joanna Leong Shu Ying

Sisters: 1

Brothers: 1

Shoe Size: 4

Height: 153 / 154 cm (i'm not sure, and yes i'm short)

Where do you live : Subang Jaya

Favourite drinks: Milo

Favourite breakfast : 3 quarter boiled eggs (not half boiled)

Have you ever been on a plane? : Yes

Swam in the ocean: Does beach count?

Fallen asleep at school: Yes, definitely. (during LAN and everybody knows this)

Broken someone's heart: Yes

Fell off your chair: No

Sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call: Yes and he did not call

What is your room like: Messy

What's right beside you:phone, my cup, pencil case, file

What is the last thing you ate : fish? rice? (just had dinner)

Ever had chicken pox: Yeah, std 1, during exam period.

Broken nose: No

Do you believe in love at first sight: Bullshit

Like picnics: Not really, got insects.

Who was,were the last person you danced with: erm. some dance club guy. i think his name is patrick.

Last made you smile: boss and aaron

You last yelled at: my dog

Today did you~
Talk to someone you like: like yes. love no.

Get sick: no

Talk to an ex: no

Miss someone: yes

Eat: no

Best feeling in the world: shop till i drop and beautiful sceneries that take my breath away

Do you sleep with stuffed animals: yeah, but they always end up falling on the floor

What's under your bed: dusts?

Who do you really hate: michelin

What time is it now? : 1941

Things I was doing 10 years ago: getting caned by my garang form teacher, screwing up all exams, watching tv, playing with my cousin (barbie i think and play station)

5 things on my to-do list today:

1.Finish at least half of IDS

2.Finish maths work

3.Bathe my dog (forgot)

4.Exercise (too lazy)

5.Watch tv (moonlight resonance)

5 snacks I enjoy: ugh i don't really like snacks.

1.cheese

2.milo?? does this count?

3. milkshake? from snowflakes

4.cheese

5. and more cheese

5 things I would do first if I were a billionaire:

1. shop till i drop

2. pay my own tuition fees

3. learn new skills

4. travel with family

5. donate some?

5 of my bad habits:

1. peeling my lips till it bleeds

2. complaining and whining and being bitchy
3. not putting back things to its original place
4. procrastinating
5. cursing

not tagging anyone. too lazy to do so.
and this tag is not fun.

Spectacles

why are my specs so durable??

Pls be broken.

i need a new one.

u have accompanied me since f2.

i am truly grateful.

i truly appreciate ur effort in giving me good sight.

U helped me see the world.

But u're falling apart.

U need rest, dear specs.

U shall rest in my pink spectacle box.

It's time to pass on ur legacy.

PEACE!

i want!

i want snowflakes bubble tea.

i want a new hairstyle.

i want to dye my hair dark brown.

i want a car (suzuki swift!!!).

i want to grow taller.

i want to gain weight.

i want more connected brain cells.

i want flats.

i want more tops.

i want more skinny jeans.

i want bags.

i want more mascaras.

ROAR! GIMME GIMME MORE!!!

Sometimes i just want to sleep and never wake up

Things didnt really go my way this week. Everything sucked. From presentations, practicals, studies, relationships (every 'ship' there is lar). In other words, it's a very rough week. And it's only tuesday.

Bio presentation yesterday, which i didnt really put in my effort, i feel a little guilty now. just reading and reading and explaining abit. Partly because, RAINFOREST IS VERY BORING. yeah..all i see was green, more green, and a little brown...and more green. And white patches of lichen. Yeah. that practically sums up what i understand about rainforest. And and and and, now i know wombats eat trees.

Physics practical today, i thought everything went well and all. My values seemed OK to me. It was increasing. but when i plotted the graph, with tangent. it's SHIT. OH MAMA! Totally, ugly gradient! How to alter the readings? i don't like to cheat. And i feel utterly bad if i do so. Because i believe that we should be evaluated based on our abilities. And cheating is just so so so so so wrong. So i don't know what to do about it. Think about it later. Should i go against my conscience?

Yeah, everyone knows that my practical skills are very bad. I'm just a bookworm, u should be feeling happy now! Maybe i should do more practical stuff like cooking and cleaning the house. *yes mum yes mum...later lar....*

AND, SILICATES IS VERY DIFFICULT. SiO2, Si4O10 6-............WHAT?????....aiya dunno lar... cant remember. Don't correct me because i know i'm wrong.

MORE tests next week. Started studying a little.

I cant wait for mid semester 2 break lar seriously. But that week is gonna be fully used to study. Trials coming mah. Kiasu mah. Need to apply uni mah.

Speaking of trials, i have no idea how am i gonna wake up at 5 am. and make my brain function at 7 am. Perhaps i need to drink coffee during exam.

Uni applications, still yet to be done. I think no uni wants me. People kept telling me, i should do this this this. It really upsets me, and makes me very worried. Sigh, i just want to do things on my pace.

Times that i enjoy the most nowadays, is break time and also going home time. How retarded is that. I am so lost, as if theres no more directions and i have no more momentum. If you are observant enough, u can see that this post is very unorganised, similar to my thoughts.

I found out that i cannot think rationally, logically, and think in an organised manner anymore. Everything is done in a hurry, without thinking about the consequences. I don't know what i'm doing. I also found out that i like to run away from that problem, instead of thinking a way to solve it.

I am so sorry if i made YOU angry, and maybe we should not talk to each other that often. *doubt that u ever read my blog one lar, but anyway, who cares*.

I have to admit this, college can really change a person. YOU are right. I've gone from bad to worse. From childish to irrational. From stupid to retarded.

At this point, i am very uncertain about my dreams, my ambitions. Are they possible? Am i trying too hard? Am i suitable for this?

If i can read your mind, u must be thinking: 'why ah? this leong shu ying so lousy one ah, if she cant even cope with college life, how is she gonna survive in the future ah?'

Yeah, i'm also thinking about how am i gonna survive in the future. Maybe i cant? Afterall, "Not all organisms survive to reproduce."

if only someone can show me a little bit of kindness, some sort of reassurance or encouragement and perhaps put up with my ultimate bitchiness, that would be very nice of you and will be much appreciated.

Sometimes, i just want to sleep, and never wake up.

There you go, a whiny post. YOU'RE WELCOME =)!

PS. If you want to condemn about my grammar or english or whatsoever. Go ahead and bitch about it if it makes u feel happier and superior.

NAP TIME!

lazy lazy meeeeeee

i'm too lazy to update. forgive me.